Day 70 - And there he was

So there he was, 8 years later buying a pack of fags in my local newsagents, looking just as ruggedly perfect as he did all those years ago when he had me pinned up against a sweaty club wall.
8 years ago he was an up and coming DJ and producer (just like all the boys were 8 years ago), and after three weeks of bunk ups and parties I grew tired of his lifestyle and moved on to the next party and bunk up...so was my life for a while before Summer.
Separated from part-time dad (who was then just called Part-time boyfriend) I was a size 12, tanned, blonde with money in my pocket living every day like it was the weekend, only seeing the sunset bleary eyed from a London club car park, gurning my face off.
Over the 8yrs , I'd watched (only semi-stalkingley) him make it big (ish) to now, with his own radio show and music videos that get teenage girls up and down the land wet.
And there he is .....waiting for his change and fags.
And shit here I am .....5 stone heavier, dressed like a goth, greasey hair staring at him open mouthed clutching 3 bags of skips.
Ohhhh where do I hide where do I go .... Do I say hi, do I act cool?, no.....hide .....hide. This is not the image I want him to have of me. The awkward conversation, the look of regret, I'd say something stupid, he'd give me a sympathetic tap on the arm.
I turn in circles looking for a hiding place, my fat arse shuddering a stack of wine gums. I sneak behind him and take cover behind multi pack boxes of Mc Coys, the shopkeepers nervously eyeing me up.
"Mum!"
Ohhh fuck...Summer....forgot she was here.....oh I hope he doesn't think it's his! Ohhhhhhh I need to hide her too now.

"ssssshhhhh" I call her over to my hiding point.
He spots her bounding towards me...his eyes following the fluffy head monster and he smiles at her, Summer recognising him from his instagram feeds i show her constantly, she smiles back as she hurtles towards me.
"Mum isn't that man ......."
Bang
Straight into the fucking crisp boxes that tipple me over.
And there I am ,8 yrs later, 5 stone heavier, dressed like a greasy goth, spread eagle on the floor surrounded by 100 packets of Mc Coys as my daughter laughs so hard she starts farting and wetting herself at the same time as the shopkeeper shouts at me in Bengali .
And there he is offering me a hand , staring into my eyes, smelling the same as he did 8 yrs ago.... The faint look of recognition on his face...he's processing me......looking into my soul..... I'm smiling up at him "I know you don't I ?" he says ?........ Yes! Yes you do and yes ....yes I will ..... Yes, yes she could be yours if you squint and don't ask for a DNA test...yes,yes,yes............ "your one of cleaners at the studio aren't you ? " ......... And there he goes, into his tinted windowed prestige Mercedes having been given a bad Hispanic accent by me pretending to be Rosa.

Day 69 - it's a hard knock life

It's rare that I get the opportunity to get Summer from school, part of this is due to my working hours the other part is due to the stares of the other mums in the playground .....the whispers "ohhhh that's Summers mum" and that the last time I saw the head we both threatened to sue each other over where Summer learned the word 'lesbian' both of us denied responsibility so a small claims court seemed the ideal way to resolve things at the time.
Every time I'm at the school there seems to be some undesirable feedback I get from my child's day. Last Monday  I picked her up from after school club, not too concerned as these people only have her for 2 hrs a day and they seem to really like her.
As I waited for Summer to finish her game and collect her bag, one of the team came over to say how well Summer had behaved. I tried to hide my shock and said that I too felt she had  matured somewhat over the year.
"she.s a real character though isn't she" ohhhhh here it comes - a real character means, a real handful, a real nightmare .......a real little shit!
"she tells some fabulous stories....she had us all engrossed ".......shit, "Summer hurry up, get your coat" I don't want to stick around for this...
"such an imagination, she was telling the whole room that she sleeps in the cupboard each night, the kids where listening open mouthed"
"Oh you know kids, active minds! .....Summer put that boy down,get your coat,we are off""I said
"it's just the detail you know....the kids were asking her questions , like how to you stay warm, and quick as a flash she answered, she said , I cuddle up to my dog and he keeps me warm.....well when she said that my heart just broke" she says giving me this concerned look . Shit i think this woman actually believes her.
" kids hey!" come on summer move it!
"it's just that they can also be sooooo honest , and you know there are some families where kids don't have a bed of there own , and if only they asked a friend or someone to help they may get a bed donated you know...." oh shit, please stop woman please. I'm so uncomfortable right now , and not just because Summer is giving me a wedgie.
" I don't want to intrude but you can try free cycle , people give away free furniture all the time"
" she has a bed" I cut her off and start to drag Summer to the car
"it's free cycle.com, my husband has a van" she yells after me

Securely in the car I take a deep breath.
"why Summer? Why! Why did you tell everyone u sleep in the cupboard with the dog"
She looks genuinely embarrassed - both of us red faced hanging our heads in shame in the car.

" we need to move house mummy , I told everyone else we have a swimming pool and water slide too. Now everyone wants to come over"

There is no continuity to her lies, bedless but with a bespoke swimming pool!

So tonight I'll make he dreams come true and make her sleep in the cupboard with the smelly dog and maybe she'll wake up to a pool, a pool of the old incontinent dogs piss.